


Double Date

by e_nara (gentou_sanka)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Komui is not drunk enough, M/M, four against the whole Order is not fair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1678661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentou_sanka/pseuds/e_nara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Timcampy and Kanda's golem are copying their owners. The owners are somewhat displeased. Or maybe not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double Date

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Двойное свидание](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1354714) by [e_nara (gentou_sanka)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentou_sanka/pseuds/e_nara). 



> Long time ago I was asked to write about Timcampy and Kanda's golem having an affair. Several years later I was asked to translate it. So here it is. 
> 
> Special thanks to Shaitanah for the beta and to lilyj for help in final editing <3
> 
> The product may contain traces of Engrish, but no one wants to translate me but myself. Sorries XD

Shouting and loud obscenities were echoing through the Black Order before breakfast. No one was surprised—Allen and Kanda had already come back from their respective missions and ugly quarrels with fighting for them equalled wishing a good morning. Today, to everyone’s utter delight (the Finders, being the usual targets for Kanda—the exorcist of unstable mental organization, were especially pleased), the occupied hallway happened to be easily avoidable on the way to the dining hall. This is why everyone decided not to be too obtrusive, so that the exorcists could solve their own problems without spreading them to others. Thus, the stream of people rushing to queue at Jerry’s never slowed down, and the destruction of the ill-fated hallway was already inevitable.

The reason for fighting was unspeakably serious.

“Fuck off my way, beansprout,” Kanda shoutedangrily.

“No, you fuck off! The hallway is wide enough, and let me fucking tie my shoelace!” Allen snapped, and the next second he was picked up by the collar by the swordsman with wildly sparkling eyes.

“Tch. Has no one ever taught you manners? I can do that,” Kanda hissedfiercely and missed the moment when Allen managed to awkwardly lift his hand and hit him in the stomach.

“Strange to hear about manners from you,” Allen told him indignantly, watching Kanda feel his stomach with both hands, cursing under his breath.

Kanda decided to leave it unanswered and, not bothering to straighten, hit Allen with his head, aiming to the spot where he himself had been hit a second ago. Walker gasped and readied himself to counter, but was distracted by Timcampy who suddenly took off his head and flew somewhere behind Kanda. Allen didn’t have too much time for staring, because Kanda used this second of hesitation to his advantage and knocked him off his feet with a precise uppercut, but then frantic squeaking distracted him as well.

Turning around, Kanda was mildly shocked to see a fight that eerily resembled their own. Timcampy attacked his black golem who dodged, then turned swiftly in the air and attacked back. Allen, who tried to sneak up behind and avenge himself while Kanda wasn’t watching, saw this scene, too and whistled in amazement in Kanda’s ear, making him shudder. They gazed hesitantly, not sure how to react.

“Stupidity is contagious,” Lavi laughedpassing by but shut up all too quickly, seeing the exorcists’ glances burning with bloodlust and noticing that the golems, too, turned in his direction in quite an unkind way. “Four against one’s not fair!” the redhead complainedand hurried to breakfast.

Kanda and Allen were silently watching their golems fight for some two minutes, but then everything suddenly changed when Kanda’s golem gave Timcampy an especially good hit on the head with his wing and Allen blurted out, “Come on, Tim, you’ve got to defeat him!”

Kanda sneered, “Your golem is a loser, just like you, beansprout. There’s no hope for either of you.”

“You think so? Why don’t you prove it?” Allen suggested resentfully.

After the test-fight both of them were left with very little time for breakfast, and it would certainly be easier to throw their clothes away than to try fixing it. Nevertheless, Allen was whispering to Tim that they would have their revenge.

 

***

During their next joint mission Kanda and Allen were hardly even bickering. They were only giving each other hard glances and scowled at each other periodically, because all the other prerogatives were taken away by their own golems. By the end of the second week even rooting for the ‘teammate’ ceased to be exciting, and then Allen and Kanda (though the latter would never admit it) began to realize what it was like for the others to endure their constant fighting. It was like looking in the mirror, when both stubborn golems, instead of providing communication or being generally useful, were focused exclusively on each other, and even when Allen once tried to forcefully drag Timcampy away by the tail, the golem painfully bit his finger, and Allen gave up trying. Kanda, being his usual self, never experienced the problem in such severity, but he did experience being left without communication on several occasions, because his golem chose that time to pick on Tim while everyone was busy. The exorcists concluded that the situation was close to critical when both golems once disappeared right before missions. There was barely enough time to find them, and when they were finally caught, another half an hour was wasted on making the golems let go of each other (Allen and Kanda had to go to different places).

“It was you who set them a bad example in the first place,” Komui saidin response to the complaints, annoyed.

The exorcists stared defiantly in different directions. Reever, who chose that moment to stop by the office with yet another pile of documents, giggled and was rewarded with two burning glances promising him big trouble.

“You’d better say what we gotta do now,” Kanda hissed, once he made sure Reever was properly terrified. Allen was miraculously in full agreement with him.

“I have two options for you,” Komui shrugged. “Either you change golems,” Allen waved his hands in protest, “or you try to give them a positive example. I’m not exactly sure whether the second option will be remotely effective.”

“We can try,” Allen decided, casting an appraising glance at his partner, who seemed to have already agreed to almost everything.

 

***

As always, Komui was right. Kanda and Allen got a special joint mission in the remote Asian-Pacific Region, it had been a week since they started, but no matter how hard they tried, the problem remained at the same level.

“Morning... Allen,” Kanda forcedout with an indescribable expression.

“Good morning to you too, Kanda,” Allen smiled his habitual polite smile.

The golems kept fighting, paying them absolutely no attention.

Another couple of days filled with futile attempts brought the exorcists to utter despair. Nothing else could explain their new way of communicating.

“Yuu-chan, I’ve cooked this soba for you!” Allen was grinning oh so sweetly, occasionally turning to face the wall and massaging his poor abused facial muscles.

“Allen... kun...” Kanda chokedout through barely contained rage, “Th… tha-a… n…”

“You probably wanted to say thank you, Yuu-chan?” Walker helpfully prompted.

“Mhm-m... Yeah.” Even a hungry shark could envy Kanda’s smile.

Indignant squeaking of already battered Timcampy accompanied gloomy thoughts of both exorcists.

Later in the Order both abandoned their fruitless efforts. However, despite the dismissal of the agreement, it wasn’t like they could fight with the same passion. After all, they ended up on the same side—no one else could understand the severity of the problem. Allen was starting to think he could somehow become _friends_ with Kanda, but another sudden plot twist turned everything upside down.

Allen returned to his room after lunch, not even wondering where his golem might be spending his sweet time. Timcampy had taken to hanging around elsewhere, making rare appearances in a really messed up state which betrayed at least his possible company. This is why Walker had had his lunch alone and was absently poking his key in the lock, all devoured by gloomy reflections. When the door was open at last, several seconds passed before Allen heard some suspicious rustling under the bed. When he eventually did hear it and looked, lifting the blanket, all he could do was to sag weakly, opening and closing his mouth in disbelief. There were Tim and his constant opponent, but this time they weren’t _fighting_ , but sort of snuggling, cooing gently, and occasionally rubbing against each other. Tim’s tail was possessively wrapped around the black golem.

Someone knocked on the door, but Allen couldn’t bring himself to respond, trying to fit the new information in his brain and failing spectacularly. The unknown guest who turned out to be Kanda soon got tired of waiting and broke into the room without permission. He began, “Hey, beansprout, have you seen those two anywhere-” but then made a mistake of looking in the same direction Walker was staring and stopped abruptly with the exact same look of disbelief, admiring the touching scene. When he decided he’d got his fair share of amusement, Kanda swiftly approached Allen, grabbed him by the collar, and dragged him in the hallway. Allen didn’t bother to resist, figuring it was more of a blessing.

Pressing Allen to the wall with all his strength, Kanda furiously hissed in his ear, “What the hell is your golem thinking?”

Allen stared at Kanda.

 _“_ _My_ golem? What is _your_ golem thinking?” he said indignantly.

“It was yours who started it!” Kanda retorted.

“And yours might as well finish the job!” Allen shoutedand then realized another meaning of it.

After an awkward pause Kanda muttered, “Whatever, I’m sure my golem will top.”

“Like hell he will!” Allen yelled. “My Tim would never-”

“Wanna bet?”

“Bring it!”

Shoving each other, they ran to the door, pushed it open and tumbled in.

Allen was right.

And that could have been the end of it. Nothing else would have happened. But Allen felt the need to celebrate his glorious victory, pointing out Komui’s earlier statement.

“See, Kanda, they are just like us!” Allen saidtriumphantly.

Kanda gave him a weird look and drawled in a low voice, “You sure?” and started slowly approaching Allen, eyes glowing with an unholy light. Allen started edging nervously towards the door. Kanda was faster.

“See, we are different,” Kanda smirkedsmugly in some half an hour, pinching Allen’s bare side. Allen winced and rubbed the soon-to-be-bruise. It wasn’t like he had something to say.

 

***

By the evening of the same day people in the dining hall could witness the official comeback of the good ol’Kanda and Allen, who were bickering passionately for everyone to hear. The usual sight of fighting golems added extra colours in the background.

Lenalee glanced at them uneasily and asked Lavi, “What’s going on with them again?”

“Double date,” the future Bookman explainedwith a wide grin.


End file.
